Day 206

I cant understand him. Sometimes he is so loving and caring, sometimes he barely answers me.

Last night he was really romantic and liked my jealousy over girls around him. Today when he told me last night while he was partying there was girls flirting with him, i reacted. And he did not like it. He was all like: what was I supposed to do?

And i kept telling myself... come on girl. Tell him. But i couldnt. I wont tell him that all it takes is to just announce that you are in a relationship. I wont tell him that i want to be acknowledged more than anything...

He hurt his knee. I was telling him what to do and noticed he responds with a long delay. I told him that im gonna take a shower bye. And he didnt respond. When i got out of shower, i saw his story. He was on a field. Lol. So much for listening!

I feel like im just there for his lonely times. For when no one is around and he needs to be loved. Other than that, i dont exist in his world. I hate admitting these but some of his actions really break my heart. As if they build up scars on my heart. And i dont know how long im going to last.

The persistent thought of him being with other girls, and him wanting it and admitting it, is really tiring. Sometimes he looks calm but there’s a sadness in his eyes and i wonder if he had slept with someone and now he feels guilty. Im so sad. I just might cry. But like most of the time, he wont know, or notice...

I have this feeling that he is going to ditch me for another, sooner or later. 

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He said i talk to you when ever i have time. Wrong answer. I always make time for you so we can talk. In the middle of my class, in the middle of studying or eating, even the night of an important exam. :)