I dont know what to think or what to do. Everything was alright again until last night. He said those things again. That he is afraid, that what if 4 years from now he is not as passionate as now? What if he cant enjoy life as much as he can now?
I asked him again if there’s any solution to his problem but he wouldnt say. I even told him if he wants a gf or he simply wants to break up but he said no.
He is taking me for granted. No one can possibly put up with his shit. But i do because i love him. Though my friends told me that im making a mistake. That he is not worth it and i can do much much better with someone who knows how special i am. But my heart wants what it wants.
Maybe someday, he realizes the mistakes he is making. Is it really worth it though? Are these fun moments worth my heart breaking?
I just wished that he would respect me more. Acknowledge me more. Value me more.
But what can i say? This was my choice and i may be regretting it.
I asked him what if in 4 years we couldnt be together? Would you hate me? He answered no but i would be disappointed in myself. I asked i dont want you to be sad and he said well, we are in this now and no way to turn around.
I hated that answer. It made me feel like i have a commitment and i hate it when they force it to me.
He thinks he is the only one sacrificing. But really, is he sacrificing anything to be with me? I mean, he has asked me to give him permission to go out with other girls. He is still smoking stuff and he has not told anyone about me so, is he really?
But i am sacrificing everything! Almost everyone knows about him, i decline marriage offers and i literally do anything for him.
And in the end, he is the one that needs to go out and get some fresh air and wont msg me for a while. Funny huh?
I dont know, im beginning to question our future together . Do i really want to be with this kind of man?
Im so sad, deep within im truly depressed and he really has no idea, surprise surprise! Its like someone has grabbed my heart and is squeezing the feelings out of it. I feel so numb. He still is not responding though. The hell with me, right?
