Day 7

We don’t talk anymore like we used to do. Lol. We saw it coming. I just hope it wont come between us.

Day 6

Last night was my sisters wedding. We didnt talk much. I was busy, he was too. He was looking for a place to stay in September. He was frustrated, but he sent me a picture of the doll i gave him and said: my reason to be happy.

I gave him that doll because it reminds him of me.

I did something. I was talking with a friend and maybe I over did it. Until i msged him that I’m worried, where are you? And he only answered don’t.

I thought about every possible scenario, including him being friend with that friend. I thought what if he is angry at me? What the hell am I supposed t do if he breaks up with me? That’s when I realized I can’t do this. So i msged the friend and told him i have a boy friend and i love him very much.

I feel better. He is asleep now. I do love him. Very much.

I was telling him that when i was watching my sisters wedding clip, i felt like i want one too. To my surprise, he answered: “come here and we do what ever you want.” He clearly meant marriage. This means a lot to me. He has changed. I’m happy.

Day 5

He told me he wants to grow old with me. He makes me feel loved so much. 

But something is bothering me. I never wanted him to go on that trip. He put so many pictures with her that i got angry. Now he posted a picture of that city with the caption “ one of my best trips ever.” 

It’s silly, but why didnt he post one from my city? why didnt he post a picture of us together?

Am i paranoid?

Day 4

He tagged me in a photo that said: you are my world. Isn’t that cute?

Day 3

I got really tired today. He kept telling me to rest. He cares for me. That’s love, right? Caring for someone even if that person is miles and miles away. 

day 2

he melts my heart. this morning we video called. he woke me up, i was not annoyed at all. i love waking up and staring at his beautiful smile. he smiles when we talk, so cute right?

he got a new sim card, i was freaking out that i can not msg him and i started shooting msgs in different apps :D he gave me his new number and i could sleep in peace again, lol.

he also emailed me with his new email. the one he got from his university. he said that he wanted his first email to be mine and that...boy i almost cried. i really do love him.

and he posted a story of a cup of tea and the lyric i used every time i posted a tea story, and he mentioned me. it was really small. not even myself could see my name but it was something.

he makes me happy. i love him and i always will.

day 1

i spent the whole day worrying. i'm always like that. when someone i care is taking a plane, i follow their flight info, i put timer, i check everything so many times that i tire myself. 

and he, well he is the most precious person after my family. it was a long flight, 25 hours. i could tell he is really tired. he had bags under his eyes, and his skin was not as bright as usual. see? i know him too well. 

i love him, i searched for love too much and when i had no hope, it came out of no where. the feeling is too strong to end the relationship. so we are gonna ignore the fact that he is almost 7 thousand miles away from me. we are going to ignore the fact that i have still 4 years of university left. i know the possibility of us seeing each other in these 4 years are really low, we both do! but we have hope. that keeps us going.

i never thought i could want someone this much. i didnt think i have it in me, but... life has a funny way of proving you wrong.

any way, i cried. i cried a lot. the thought that we might never see each other was killing me, until he video called and i saw he was really excited and happy and he said he wouldnt change me for the world. that made me smile. the warm feeling of love reached out to my cheeks and made me blush. 

the thing thats bothering me is the time difference. 12 hours can not be ignored. literally, my day is his night and vice versa. but we can make it. he woke up this afternoon, we talked. he showed me around his house. talked me through his plans for today. we laughed, we shared pictures. he sent me videos of everything. he knows i worry a lot. he knows i care too much, and he likes it. and i like that about him.

i feel emotionally fragile for now. but im gonna be ok. everything is going to be ok. im sure of it.